the box that got a girl back together with her ex.
Lockdown 2021. Bangalore→Goa via Bluedart. She opened the box, cried, called her ex. They were back together by sunset. By every measurable outcome except mine, the project succeeded.
tap anywhere for music ↓
hi. you rang. self-portrait, slightly idealised:
Rishabh Balabomma.
29 · between flights · presently unbooked · broke but planning.
i made a website because Bumble didn't have a ‘best friend with feelings’ filter.
↓start where it gets interestingscroll down
the song this whole page is asking:
woh ladki hai kahaan?
if it might be you, keep going.
six things she is
- 01Curious.twelve tabs open. always.
- 02Social butterfly.leaves a party with three new numbers.
- 03Ambitious.hopes bigger than the city she's in.
- 04Chatter box.tells every plot twist of her life. side characters and all.
- 05Loved well.her three people call her, and she picks up.
- 06Cute.laughs louder than she expects to.
Two of those just described you? Then this page was written for you.
the part that pretends it doesn't matter. but it does.
LOOKS.
but really
just because you love the ocean doesn't mean you have to drown in it.
i learnt it the hard way.
drag to see the difference. one year between. gym at 6 am, protein, eight hours of sleep. that's the whole thing.
i might not be pretty. but i'll be bloody fit (abs included) soon.
the part i don't put on the linkedin
Why I'm free.
Ex VP ProductIIM Kozhikode MBAYet broke.
I want to make something worth making.
Something interesting. Something worth building.
Surprising clarity for someone almost thirty. I know.
next stop · departures board
Bhilaiboarding
Bengalurupossibly
Hyderabador
SFif invited
receipts
Things I made before I made this page.
two santas, for the two who didn't quit on me that year.
Bad-boss year. Two coworkers held me up - chai at four, cover when i needed it. Office Secret Santa: custom boxes, googly Santa caps, names in Comic Sans (on purpose). They cried. I claim i didn't. The witness statements disagree.
I sketch. I write poems nobody asked for. I shoot videos for friends' birthdays. I build crafts that should not exist. None of it pays. All of it gets given away. I don't know how to not.
from people who weren't real
How I learned what love looks like.
send me a subtitle that broke you. it's a love language.
the honest version
Before you say yes, the receipts.
biggest red flag: i'm fully prepared to spend the rest of my life alone, and actively hoping i won't have to.
what i bring on day one
i will text first.
Twice as often as you'd like. One good line per six bad. 'Three days' is a rule i was taught and immediately broke. Three days is when i'll text again.
i will cook.
Chicken curry. Poha. Chai. The dal once made a friend cry. He was, in fairness, also having a hard week.
i will notice the small thing.
You'll mention, once, that you can't sleep without water on the bedside. The water will appear. I won't point it out. You'll find it yourself, 2am on a Wednesday.
i will not disappear.
Not after a fight. Not after a lull. Not after a Tuesday where nothing happened. If i go quiet, it's the wifi. Sometimes it's me. I'll say which. The voice note will be long. Reply when you can. No clock.
what i don't know yet
the thesis
I can't date a stranger. The small-talk muscle in my brain was, somewhere around 2018, replaced with longer-form voice notes. I've asked Hinge matches about the Supreme Court at minute four. None of them called back. Read this whole page. Let it count as our first ninety minutes. The chai, after this, is just the recap.
five people who'd pick up at 3 am
If you don't trust me, ask them.
Two sisters. A brother. Two friends. The version of me at 11 pm, an hour into a fourth chai. Tap any bubble.
they all said yes. it took some convincing.
the only filter i'm strict about
“don't come to me until he's stopped renting space.”
i've sat across from someone whose head was in the wrong room. i didn't like it. i don't think you would either.
if you're still drafting fights you won't send, i'm the audience for a play that isn't on.
if he still gets the airport call, i'd rather be the slow walk home.
Take six weeks. Take six months. The page isn't going anywhere. Neither am I.
the chai stays warm.
may you never punish yourself for someone else's inability to see the love in your heart.
the intention. the paper ring.
Other men can buy you vacations.
I can give you this.
i don't know your name yet.
- i'll see when you're hiding.i won't ask. i'll just stay in the room.
- i'll learn your tells.the silence that means "ask me." the silence that means "don't."
- the version of you that hates herself at 3am.i don't want her fixed. i want her to know me too.
this. is the part i am building for.
no deadline. no rush. whenever you're ready.
the algorithm of record, est. 1998
And if you need a tie-breaker.
Hinge spent a decade on machine learning. Bumble raised $580 million. Schoolchildren in 1998 solved this with a pencil and the back of a Camlin notebook. It is, on the available evidence, still the most reliable matchmaking system in India. Enter your name. I've entered mine. The algorithm will tell us where this is going.
+ rishabh
F
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A
M
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peer-reviewed by ten-year-olds. methodologically airtight.
if it lands on Sibling, run it again with your middle name.
that's in the spec.
the last page.
Thank you for reading it.
This page didn't have to be read. You read it anyway. That's the first kindness.
if it's you, you know it's you.
write whenever. i'll be here.
you read the whole thing.
the chai is already on the stove.
woh ladki hai kahaan · dil chahta hai · 2001